Addiction and children. You can change their story by changing your own.
Addiction and children, this is a tough one for me. I am a parent of three amazing kids. Unfortunately as their father I was not always stellar in the choices I made and those choices effected many other people than just myself, the addicted parent. Sound familiar? We addicts spent 30 days in an inpatient rehab so that we could stop using and to hopefully garner enough tools to muscle our way through our own bullshit when we go back to where we came from? Why stop asking for help on day 31?
We are addicted to our own bullshit, the chaos we create. My step father said a couple words to me once that ended up being one of those aha moments. He told me and I will paraphrase, “Eric, I know you didn’t do any of this, but why is it that you just so happen to always be so close to it?” Now in this statement he is referring to the fact that I was a manipulator. I was an addict and thought with that addicted mind. When my step father offered me those words I was high as a kite, I had no clue what those words word mean to me one day.
We were manipulators and deviants wearing many masks. As a parent to our children, a husband to my wives, an employee and a drug user. Like many of us as addicts, we create our own separate reality. One where only we exist and our actions do not effect those around us (or so we think). It makes me cringe writing this. I cry as I walk through my memories, not because I fear them as I did then, I see my memories from another perspective today. One where I offer myself forgiveness. I don’t ask for forgiveness. Is it my place to ask for forgiveness? I did enough of that. My words fall on deaf ears? Isn’t it time for me to take action?
“Facing addiction with children in todays world is a challenge that is real.” ~ Eric Shirk
I say this all because as an addicted parent we don’t just go home to deal with ourselves. Others haven’t seen our progression. How do we show them that we have changed? Does it even matter to them that we changed? What do we do next?
This is not meant to scare anyone. It is reality for many of us. Many of us have these questions leaving rehab. In some situations I still do. Some of my family keeps me at arms length and let me tell you that I love them just as much today at an arms length as I did when they tried to help me as an addict. As a healed person I see that they are protecting themselves and to them I offer my love just the same from afar. Maybe one day they will want to seek us out? The best we can do is continue living our lives with an amazing smile, keep making friends and family as we go, and someday those we hurt through our actions as an addict might notice and want to come take a part in the person’s life whom we have become today.
So what does any of this have to do with parenting and you? We all have a story. The best way to change a story isn’t to go back and rewrite it. Seldom do those involved forget what you are trying to erase. We must pick up and keep writing. The thing is those that were closest to us were hurt and they may or may not choose to go through a healing process with the memories we helped them create. This is ok. This is their choice, not ours.
Actions speak louder than words? Maybe you have heard these words spoken before? Isn’t it time to do something different in your life or in the life of the addict you love, but just don’t know how to help or what to do? Hiring an Addiction Specialist like Eric Shirk is a great tool for anyone leaving rehab. We talk through how to navigate these sticky situations as they arise as we will meet 3x per week.
Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. Don’t let that same statement also be the definition of your life. I had told you about that aha statement that my Step Father told me years ago. He saw that the actions I took caused all the chaos around me creating my own insanity.
“Online Holistic Addiction Therapy takes the tools you learned in Rehab and turns them into long lasting behaviors that ensure your success” ~ Eric Shirk
Years later and many many hours of training, meditation, yoga and soul searching and today I now live in peace. I welcome simplicity as today I can now devote 100% of myself to the few actions I take today. I live in a modest home in the Sierra Nevadas in Colombia with an amazing wife that offers herself these same practices. Having been through this chaos and now years later finding myself in a place solitude and happiness I now share this energy with a small group of clients. My story continues and yet today my story does not include chaos. My story continues and yet it does not include addiction. My story is a simple one to tell, and even simpler one to follow.
Lets continue writing your story. As your Life Coach, I will walk beside you. If being a great parent is what you want to be, perfect. If staying clean is what you want, perfect. I have a way to help you write your story a little differently. Having a coach helps. Having a coach who has been through it, helps even more. Let’s talk. Sign up for a free consultation below. You are worth it.